We Suffer in the Way We Suffer

Suffering by Paul David Tripp

Pastor Jim of Quidnessett Baptist Church recently gifted me the book Suffering by Paul David Tripp, and this morning I read chapter 2. It was exposing and humbling.

“You never just suffer the thing that you’re suffering, but you always also suffer the way that you’re suffering that thing.”

“What you think about yourself, life, God, and others will profoundly affect the way you think about, interact with, and respond to the difficulty that comes your way.”

“When the things you have been trusting (whether you knew it or not) is laid to waste, you don’t suffer just the loss of that thing; you also suffer the loss of your identity and security that it provided.”

“Weakness is not what you and I should be afraid of. We should fear our delusion of strength.”

“Your suffering is more powerfully shaped by what’s in your heart than by what’s in your body or in the world around you.”

“Suffering draws out the true thoughts, attitudes, assumptions, and desires of your heart.”

Reflection

The words in today’s reading were very profound and a lot to digest. I sat and thought back on times when I was suffering. I can recall three times in my adult life that I was suffering internally, and I had to examine and work at coping, learning and growing as I dealt with the pain.

One was about ten years ago, and my trial had been the conflicting plans I had made for myself, and those that God had laid out for me. The second was when I was confronted with an empty nest, and I had to reidentify myself. And the most recent being a year ago, facing the fact that I had run out of time, and the grief I felt from that loss.

Two Paths

I was a teacher of 19 years. I loved my job, and I was good at it. But I could hear God speaking to me, telling me of a path he had laid out. It involved me leaving my profession, along with my salary, pension, and health benefits, and instead work with my husband in the office, doing something I had never done before and with little security.

I fought God on this. I made pros and cons lists, to show Him why my plan made more sense, and being a loving father of Grace, he gave me the choice. I dabbled in his plan and hated it. I cried daily. I felt lost and confused. I didn’t know who I would be if I wasn’t a teacher. Eventually I took the leap of faith and trusted God’s plan. I resigned from my teaching position and worked full time in the office. I haven’t looked back since and the Lord has blessed me in ways I could not have imagined.

A Lost Identity

I lost my identity a second time when I became an empty nester. I had been a mom for over twenty years. Now what? The kids were in college and my house was quiet, lonely, and had lost all life. It really did feel like a death had occured.

It took some personal examination to realize I was putting my purpose and happiness on those around me, when in fact my identity should have been as a child of God, and my joy should be in Him.

Out of Time

Last summer I watched two loved ones take their last breath, one month apart from the other. The first was my brother in law.

He had not been a believer in Christ, and I had made several attempts to lead him to Jesus, including from his death bed. He passed without me knowing if I will see him in Heaven one day. That has been a heavy burden on my heart. I had run out of time and found myself questioning if I had done enough.

A month after his passing I lost my dad. It was unexpected. He had the most unbelievable funeral with person after person coming to the pulpit to speak praises of my dad.

He was so loved and had touched more lives than I had ever realized. I wanted so badly to spend more time with the man they were describing, but yet agin, I was out of time. These losses led to an internal suffering as I looked back on my life.

Right Now

Right now, I am feeling okay. That in and of itself can put me on edge, knowing that at any moment, the bottom can fall out of my bucket, and all that I know can be changed. Currently I find myself watching others suffer. My mom with her physical pain and grieving my dad so profoundly. My in-laws, with mom’s dementia and dad’s daily trials in caring for her. Cass and Zach as they navigate finances and romantic relationships.

I guess, through trials and observations, my theology on suffering and what I bring to the table at this time is this.

1. Don’t try to control it or make sense of it. Give it to God.
2. Don’t identify yourself with earthly circumstances (wife, mother, widower, etc) but instead as a child of God.
3. What we think matters, probably doesn’t. God doesn’t care about our accomplishments, comforts, positions, or things. He simply wants us to love, trust, and submit to Him. If we do that, it will work out according to His plan.
4. His plans are better than ours, we just may not see it. He does not reveal his plan to us, because He wants us to trust him.
5. Suffering is a tool God uses to expose ourselves and to prune us to who He wants us to be.
6. Try to look at pain as a gift. He will use the pain for something. We may not ever know what it will be for. It may not even be for our good, but for the benefit of someone else. The point is, to know that God will use it. We are only here to serve His needs and plans. We are only serving a temporary purpose here. In the meantime, try to thank Him for choosing you to be his steward.

A Final Quote from Paul David Tripp

“Suffering confronts us with the fact that life is not about us but about God. It is not about our glory, but His. It’s not first about our pleasure, but about his. It’s not about our plans for us, but about his will for us. It’s not about our control but his. It’ not about our successes but about the display of his majesty.

Prayer

Lord, thank you for joining me for coffee this morning. There was a lot of food for my soul in today’s reading. You revealed to me some of the places I have sinned against you. I too often rely on myself instead of trusting you. I connect my joys, accomplishments, and worth to my earthly roles. I have unrealistic expectations of this life, thinking and hoping I have more time than I may. All too often I do not prioritize according to your ways. Thank you for showing me where I need to continue to grow. Lord, I pray for those that suffer around me. For my mom, I pray that she learns to live with her pain. She is not only suffering from the physical pain, but from the pain that has come about as she copes, being alone, scared, anxious and lost. I pray for sister-in-law and the kids. I do not want to run out of time in sharing your gospel. Show me how to reach them. Use me to demonstrate your redeeming love and saving grace. I pray for my in-laws as they suffer through dementia and aging. Help me to see their time here as fleeting and to cherish our times together. I pray for Cassidie and Zachary as they suffer through the trials of young adult life, learning to navigate financial and relational challenges and lessons. I pray that they turn to you and live according to your will and plans. I want to live as an example to them. Thank you for the scripture and the authors that speak their experiences as they also grow and develop. I am grateful for the connectedness it provides. In Jesus name, Amen.