Medical Update

Recovering From Surgery

I now have four chemo treatments under my belt, two in Providence and two at Dana Farber. Two weeks ago today, on June 20th, I underwent surgery at Brigham and Women’s in Boston. Clayton brought me and had been told to expect the surgery to last about 6 hours. He didn’t get an update until hour 8 and surgery went on for another two hours. My surgical team said they got out all visible cancer cells when they removed my ovaries, tubes, omentum, appendix, spleen, and part of my colon.

I had been prepared before surgery that a colostomy bag would be likely, but the Lord answered my prayers, and all of my intestines were able to be reconstructed and reconnected. No bag!

Surgery was on a Tuesday, and I came home on Sunday. Since then my mobility has been restored and I feel really good. My greatest challenge is moving my bowels as everything has to figure out what to do in its new roll or location. I am also administering a shot to myself each day to reduce the risk of blood clots.

Going Forward

The plan has been to continue with chemo for another two or three treatments to destroy any lingering cancer cells that were hidden or too small to detect. Unfortunately, there is a drug shortage and the carboplatin that I have been getting is no longer available. From what I understand, they may be able to get access to Cisplatin to take its place. I go to Dana Farber tomorrow and will learn more about that and what we will be doing next.

Pity Party

I would be lying if I did not say I have found myself falling into a pity party on occasion. More than once I have found myself saying, “Why Me?” or “I didn’t sign up for this.” I have had some dark days, and I have had days filled with hope. In all of my days I have felt loved by my Heavenly Father and my family and friends. But this is a lot to digest and very difficult to comprehend.

In the weeks leading up to my surgery, I was lead to Galatians 5:22-23, but it was a version I was not familiar with.

Longsuffering?

This verse said Longsuffering was a fruit of the spirit. But I had done a study on the Fruits of the Spirit back in 2015, so I pulled up my notes. Patience. The version I had studied used PATIENCE, but this was using LONGSUFFERING. I guess in my ignorance, I was defining patience as remaining calm while parenting, and avoiding road rage. I hadn’t considered it enduring pain over a long period of time. Makes sense though. No one has suffered like our savior, Jesus Christ. It makes sense that we learn to suffer in order to be molded into Christ’s image.

Mold Me and Use Me

It is this scripture that would often pull me from my pity party. I did sign up for this. Over and over I have asked the Lord to prune me and mold me. I have begged the Lord to use me as a steward. I often envision a conversation with God to help me endure (almost with pleasure but I am not quite there).

Me: God, why me? I didn’t sign up for this.

God: I have told you that I have a plan for your suffering. A plan for good. What if I told you that your suffering would bring your loved ones closer to me. Would you agree to undergo the pain?

Me: Well, yes, of course. I have been praying for years that some of my nonbelieving loved ones would seek you.

God: And what if I told you that Cassidie, Zachary, and many others are watching you. Watching to see how you deal with this pain. Watching to see if you leave me or turn from me. What if they are learning from you right now, so they one day will know how to deal with their own trials. Would you agree to suffer this out then, knowing you are a roll model?

Me: Absolutely. I guess I sign up. I have faith you will use this for good and I put all my trust in you.

Sins revealed

In this process of the Great Potter shaping me into who He wants me to be, I have also learned a few things about myself. Some of my sins have been revealed to me. Pride. All too often I find myself proud, as if I am responsible for some praiseworthy act or thought. The counter parts to pride are shame and blame, usually toward myself. I am self reliant when I should be handing over my loads to the Lord that loves me. I have learned I have serious control issues and even try to take control from God, as if I know best. And even though I know Jesus Christ has taken my sins to the cross, I still find myself trying to earn my way to Him, even though it doesn’t work that way. I have always been careful to show gratitude, but realize there is plenty I have taken for granted. I am still in the learning stage of these revelations, as I am a work in progress.

Thankful

Since my surgery, I have had difficulty expressing my gratitude to my Heavenly Father. I have been so humbled. Saying “thank you” seems so insignificant to what He has done for me.

As I prepared for surgery, my prayer was this: Lord, I pray for a miracle. I pray that I leave this surgery cancer free and without a colostomy bag. I pray this body work the way you intended. But if that is not your will, I pray that my faith remain strong, and that I put all my trust in you.”

I am one step closer to being cancer free, by insides are on the inside where they belong, and I am feeling good. He answered my prayers and “thank you” seems like it is just not enough.

That is what brings me here today. I need the world to know the God that I know. I could not do any of this without Him. God’s presence has been strong every moment, even when it has been hard, painful, disappointing, and dark. I have never doubted his Love. I pray the strength that people see, point in the direction of my Heavenly Father. All the glory to Him.

To my fellow Christians, please join me in a prayer of thanks. Thank the Lord for answering my prayers and lifting this broken body. And to my friends that do not know Christ as their Savior, please. I beg you. Get to know your creator. Life is hard, but much easier when you have the strength, comfort, peace and joy that can only come from faith.