This is an excerpt from my journal, dated June 28, 2013

The short version for my brother: God told me to quit my job, so I did.

Okay, here it is.  The cold hard truth.  I am NOT an authority on God.  I can’t quote the Bible or retell most of the stories it holds.  But I am a child of God and saved by the grace of Jesus.  I am an average woman: A wife, a mom, a worker outside the home.  I clean the house (when I need to), go grocery shopping (for easy to prepare meals), and taxi the kids around. But what has compelled me to write this book is my growing relationship with God.  I have always felt his presence.  I talk to him daily and I know He talks to me.  But something is happening right now in my life.  Like, RIGHT NOW! He is working in me!  My life has lead me down this path and has brought me to a cross roads.  I know.  It is such a cliche that we have heard hundreds of times, but I have a choice.  I can take the one that I have been on.  Its been a wonderful journey and I foresee no reason to sway.  But for whatever reason, I hear God telling me to choose the other.  He has written my life in His book, even before I was born, and it apparently says to take a turn.  So here I go.  I’m going to turn and take this unmarked path.

How It All Began

So let me give you the back story, since that is really all I have and do not know where this is going.  It begins with my career life.  I am a teacher.  A fifth grade teacher, and have been teaching for 19 years.  I have loved it.  I have touched lives and lives have touched me.  I was not searching for anything else.  I had envisioned having students that are the children of former students.  I dreamed of being recognized as teacher of the year and imagined my retirement celebrations.  I was good at my job.  I knew it and was often told by administrators, parents, and students.  I had job security.  Good pay and better benefits.  That is what I think lies ahead of me if I continued with this path.  So what’s the problem?  No problem! I was perfectly content.  But yesterday I requested a personal leave of absence for one year, and quite honestly I feel as though it might as well have been a resignation letter.

I can’t see very far down this new path.  I guess you could say it is foggy.  It does not appear to ever have been traveled.  I only see what lies at the very opening.  A new opportunity.  I’m not even sure I like what I see, but God is beckoning to me.  It started as a whisper two years ago.  He spoke to me then, but I chose not to listen.  It just seemed so scary with all of the unknowns.  And quite frankly, the “knowns” were not to my liking.  So I continued down my original path.  But now he is screaming.  Honestly, I don’t think He would have my attention anymore if I were standing next to a burning bush.  He is telling me to turn.  So I am.  I am going to take this leap of faith and trust in Him.

An Act of Obedience

In listening to him now (as I mentioned He is right in my face and not to be ignored), He brought me to a verse that I had heard before, liked, and stored somewhere in my mind.  Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your path straight.  This has become my mantra.  I took the time to memorize it, so I now know two verses (John 3:16 being the other).  I don’t want to forget it.  In fact I just ordered a $15 bracelet with it engraved on it, and a coffee mug with it emblazed across the front.  I’m afraid when I get started on this new path that I will want to turn and run back.  And I really do not want to.  I want to constantly be reminded that it is going to be okay.  That even though I do not know what lies ahead, He does.  He built if for me!  It is a custom path made just for me and I want to trust Him.

Stepping it Up

So that was the career side of things.  God has been working just as fervently in my personal life as well, and this only goes back about 7 months.  I warned you that I was not an expert with loads of experience, so please do not expect a whole life story.  It is regarding my commitment to God.  My church going was inconsistent at best.  I went when it was convenient.  September to December was only when it did not conflict with my son’s football schedule.  I got better from January to June, but come summer . . . well let’s just say the pew could not compete with the beach.  I still talked to God but it wasn’t what he wanted.  See- when God doesn’t get what He wants from you, he puts circumstances in your life that drive you to turn to Him.  It’s true.  I know it because I have lived it.  I also know there is scripture to support it and maybe when my fingers are not moving so quickly on their own through the work of Christ I will look them up and footnote them.  Either way, that is how it is.  So God put a few things in my path that made me really pray.  In talking to people these obstacles might have been overlooked by some, but they got my attention.  It was involving my teenage children.  They got a boyfriend and a girlfriend.  That is attention getting to a mom!  And that was when I really realized that I was worried about my not doing enough to bring them up in a relationship with God.  We pray every night, but was that going to be enough to ensure that they are choosing these people in a way to please Him?  Our prayers were short term needs, and superficial.  This was the big time!  This wasn’t about having a good day at school, or coming down with a cold.  This was sexual morality.  This was life partner stuff.  This was way bigger than what I was ready for.

So I Prayed

So I prayed.  I mean really prayed!  I was talking about this everywhere I went: jewelry parties, grocery stores, faculty room, etc.  I was begging for forgiveness in not doing my job as He gave it to me.  I was asking him to get me to church, to get my children more involved, to motivate me to do His work.  Well, let me just tell you, that when you pray with all of your might, He will answer you.  There is scripture to support that too so I guess this will also be footnoted.  We have now been going to church regularly, I have joined the youth group task forced to help grow our youth group.  I am in a women’s bible study and my kids have attended their first youth meeting in the evening.  And we have thoroughly enjoyed all of it.  I feel closer to the Lord than ever before and we are all hearing him more clearly.  I see it in all of our lives! It is amazing!