Crossing the Finish Line

Today I participated in a 5K for the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition. Don’t let the picture fool you. I RAN across the finish line, but I WALKED the 3.1 miles. Being that I finished my chemo treatments one month ago, and doctors officially said I was in remission two and a half weeks ago, this seemed like the perfect end to my journey. Of course, I still need to go for screenings every three months, but as far as I am concerned, it is over. I have crossed the finish line!

Gratitude and Humble

Throughout the six months, some new combination of emotions was developing within me, that I just could not put a name on. It grew from something small and evolved over time, and as I walked the three miles I was trying to put a name to it.

One is grateful. The magnitude of the gratitude is nothing like I have known before. I am grateful for God’s healing hands and all of the blessings that He provided for me: the knowledge and skill of my medical team, the medications and the insurance that paid for it, and an incredible support group. To say I am “thankful” just doesn’t cover the depths of my feelings.

The other is humility. Of course there is the obvious, like going in public with a bald head, being bathed by nurse staff, and picked up off the floor while naked. But it is more. Loved ones cooked for me, cleaned my house, gave me rides, attended my appointments, donated money to the walk, and walked beside me. I am humbled by the generosity and love of so many.

Research

Unable to find and define the words myself, I looked them up. Richard Shrapnel described it this way. “A truly humble person can easily identify and accept that all the good things that are happening in their life are a blessing for which they should be thankful.” I found more explanation from The Content Authority. “Grateful means feeling or showing appreciation for something received or done. It is often used to express thanks or to acknowledge a gift or act of kindness. Humbled, on the other hand, means to feel a sense of humility or modesty. It is often used to describe a feeling of being small or insignificant in the face of something greater. While both words express a sense of gratitude or appreciation, the difference lies in the perspective. Gratefulness is focused on the receiver, while humbleness is focused on the giver or the situation.”

And then to be in the crowd today just added to it all. There was a sense of camaraderie that was overwhelming. It was an honor and humbling experience to be surrounded by hundreds of people that knew my experience and that of my family and friends. There was so much love on that walk and I was grateful to be a part of it.

Even as I write this, my words do not capture the emotion. Is there a word for it? Grateful plus humble; grumble? Humility and gratitude; humilitude? And are these words capable of expressing the power of my feelings? I don’t think so.

To My Friends and Family

I don’t know if I will ever be able to show how much I appreciate the people in my life. The love they show to me is overwhelming, and I hope to God they know that I love them beyond measure.

I don’t know the reason God had me endure this challenge, and I don’t know what He has planned for me going forward. But I do know this. I am enlightened. I am humbled. I am grateful. Life is sweeter, simpler, and precious. God is good. I have seen Him work in me and the people around me. I am soaking it up. I love this life, the people in it, and God that has given it to me. Humilitude is real.