This Might Be Messy

This post might be messy. I say that because as I warned in my front page of this site, I am not an expert or a theologian. What I am is a follower of Christ, and thankfully, He speaks to me in a way I understand and meets me where I am. This week, that happened to be in a Burger King Drive-thru..

I hadn’t realized it, but since my cancer diagnosis, I have been on the search for control. The doctor had said to stay away from red meat and raw fish, and anything with mold. Those were pretty much the only restrictions, but I had heard a plant based diet has shown improvements in cancer treatment, so I was off and running. Looking up recipes, subscribing to a meal plan, cooking and eating things I don’t normally eat. The pros to this, I know I am doing something good for my body. The cons, I am constantly hungry, I poop alot, and my blood sugar feels wonky. I wasn’t feeling great, but I was taking care of myself.

At the same time, I had been craving an original chicken sandwich from Burger King. Why? I have no idea. My daughter reminded me that was my “go to” when I was pregnant with her, and I don’t even know if I have had once since then, twenty-six years ago. But that was what my body was wanting. I caved, and got and ate most of the sandwich. I felt better, but it wasn’t until time in my Bible that Jesus explained it to me.

Quidnessett Baptist Church

The next morning I watched an online sermon titled God’s Sovereignty and Human Suffering through Quidnessett Baptist Church. The message was from 2 Corinthians but we referenced several other verses.

God’s Sovereignty and Human Suffering

In this sermon, Pastor Jim spoke of Andrew Murray and how Andrew had been asked advice for a woman that was suffering. His response had been four statements of God’s sovereignty he uses for himself when he is in trials.

1. He brought me here. It is His will.
2. He will keep me here in his love and give me grace.
3. He will make this trial a blessing and work in me.
4. In his good time, He will bring me out.

Pastor Jim also spoke of three truths to ask ourselves when suffering.

1. God does not just allow suffering, but he sends it. It is a gift. Do I really believe in His sovereignty and that He is good? Will I gladly submit my will? Will I be content in him only?
2. God uses suffering as a teaching tool, to purge us of worldiness, pride, ease, and selfishness. It is used to conform us to the image of Christ and a glad submission to his sovereignty. It is used to develop a patient and mature faith. It is used so we are equipped to comfort others.
3. God controls the length of my suffering. Do not try to get out of it. Submit.

Luke 9: 23-24 Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it, but if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.”

The Cost of Control

My cousin Heather and I are reading The Cost of Control by Sharon Hodde Miller.

In this book, the author warns, “It all begins with the simple fact that control creates anxiety; Although we seek control as a solution to our anxiety, control also produces anxiety. It’s counterintuitive on the surface, but the more we try to control something uncontrollable, the more out of control we feel; Then, to quell our anxiety, we seek to control even more. . . The more we seek control, the more it exacerbates our anxiety rather than calms it.”

Focus on the Healer, Not the Healing

My point is this. I had been trying to control my cancer. I had been trying to cure myself. But God is bigger! He knows I am here. He knows my afflictions. He is with me as I go and grow through it. He has promised me He will not forsake me and He will use it for a purpose. He is in control! He is bigger than a chicken sandwich!

To My Son

Zach, learn from Mama. I love you and know you love me, but let’s stop worrying about my healing and focus on the healer. Know that I am right where I am supposed to be: In God’s hands. We don’t need to control it. We don’t need to work for it. God has a plan, and it is our job to trust Him. Let’s celebrate that He is doing something remarkable in me.