The Diagnosis

I have quickly come to realize that there is no good way to tell a loved one that you have cancer. It is a bombshell. Humor is my go to tactic for news and that seems insensitive. It doesn’t roll into a conversation naturally with a “oh by the way.” So i am just going to give it straight. I have cancer. I only just started saying that this week. I was relaying the news the same way my oncologist gave it to me. “The cancer cell count in my ovaries is elevated.”

I think my initial reaction can best be described as denial. But then i set to work on my healing.

I Turned to My Bible

I immediately sought out scripture about healing and the Good Book gives every reassurance that God heals.

I Peter 2:24 Who himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness- by whose stripes you were healed.

Jeremiah 30:17 For I will restore health to you, and heal you of your wounds, says the Lord.

Psalm 30:2 O Lord my God, I cried out to You andYou have healed me.

I prayed without ceasing. Believing with all my heart that God has the power to heal me and make it all go away.

Surgery to Chemo

The original plan was surgery. Plan A: go in laparoscopically and remove my ovaries and tubes. Plan B: Open me up for a full hysterectomy.

The week leading up to surgery had even more trials. My husband was sick and tested positive for Covid. He was hospitalized for a week the last time he had Covid, so that fear was lurking. I couldn’t risk getting it and couldn’t take care of him. I even moved out for a couple of nights and only got to see him through the window, true Social distancing.

Putting on the Suit of Armor

John 10:10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that you may have life, and that they may have it abundantly.

Ephesians 6:10-13 Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the Devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh or blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the Heavenly Places. Therefore, take up the whole armor ofGod, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done it all, to stand firm.

Psalm 91:9-12 Because you have made the Lord who is my refuge, even the most high your habitation, no evil shall befall you, nor shall any plague come near your dwelling, for he shall give his angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways, they shall bear you up in their hands.

God loves Me and only has good for me, so in addition to praying to God, I also claimed my seat as an heir to the One true King. I laughed at Satan. I made it quite clear to him that the same power that roseJesus from the grave resides in me. Satan has no power over me or my home. (Romans 8:11)

Hard Truth

But here is a hard truth. Bad things happen because we live in a broken world. Bad things happen because we need to grow and develop as we mature our Christian faith. Bad things happen because they are used in a bigger plan.

This is proven in the book of Job. God himself described Job as blameless, a man of complete integrity, feared God, and stayed away from Evil. God allowed Satan to inflict all kinds of suffering on Job.

Paul in 2 Corinthians 12 asked God to relieve him of his pain, but God told him no, his grace would be sufficient.

The point is this

I Was Being Tested

I could hear God. “Melissa. I love you. Do you still love me even amidst your pain? Will you still rejoice in me even if you are not healed?”

I am always praying to God to reveal my heart. To show me my iniquities. To use me as a tool. It was time to submit myself to Him.

Submit to Him

James 4:14-15 Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.”

Surgery to Chemo

Clayton was still sick with Covid and I was blessed to have so many loved ones that wanted to take me. My sister in law and dearest friend was given the assignment and was my perfect companion. She had a hard job. Actually, I am convinced my family has this ordeal way harder than I do, and I was sorry to see how much everyone is hurting.

While we began laparoscopically, It turned out we had to go with an unanticipated Plan C. The ovarian cancer had spread like a small dust onto my colon and intestines. Surgical removal was not an option. I am now scheduled for my first dose of chemo this Friday.

Where am I physically, mentally, and spiritually?

I feel good.
Physically I am sore. Moving is difficult and I tire easily.
Mentally I am ready. My support group is amazing.
Spiritually I am strong. Gods presence is everywhere and I see his hand in every tiny detail. It is so obvious where He has put something in place ahead of time to prepare me for this adventure. No one knows what lies ahead, but I already see good coming out of it. Praying and love, growing closer to God, and sharing the gospel are all outcomes.

James 1:2-8 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like the wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

Isaiah 43:10 “You are my witnesses” says the Lord “and my servant whom I have chosen. That you may know and believe me, and understand that I am He”

This scripture has been showing up repeatedly the past few weeks. The truth is, I feel chosen. I know God is in control and won’t let me suffer more than I can handle through His grace. Just look at all the content this provides for me to share with others!

So here is my mission. I hope not to fall more than I succeed. I want to use this trial to show the love and grace of God when we let Him handle it. I want to show His strength. I want people to say ”How are you doing this?” And for me to say “By the grace of God.” And then for them to say “I need to know this God” and then I can invite them to accept the gift of a living savior. If this adventure can be used to lead others to Christ, particularly those that I have been in my prayers for years, it will so be worth it. Maybe cancer will be the answer.